Children and Adolescents’ Anger
After the Loss of a Family Member

Anger is a complex emotion, which is often felt by everyone after the loss of a loved one. Some professionals go as far as to say that feelings of anger are actually a stage within the grieving process itself (Kubler-Ross, 1969).

Children and adolescents tend to have some similar grieving patterns to adults. The aspect of not having any control over the situation, and the sense of helplessness that may come with loss, may be felt by both adults and children (Sims, n.d.). At Karl Vella Foundation we have experienced children who express their thoughts and fears through their behaviour such as being aggressive, oppositional and impulsive This anger also might be directed to other family members, as they are felt to be a ‘safe target’ for them to express their anger. If a child is religious, then after experiencing a loss they might feel anger towards God for taking away their loved one. Sometimes children also direct their anger towards the person who passed away, as they might feel that they have abandoned them (Schonfeld & Quackenbush, 2009).

While it is normal for parents to feel worried seeing children go through moments of anger, at KVF we provide them with a safe space to express these emotions. By providing programmes which focus on meditation & mindfulness and expressing their emotions through the arts, allows the children to then use these tools in their everyday lives. Playing a sport and expressing themselves through creative activities such as painting, are other productive and healthy ways for children to express their anger (Schonfeld & Quackenbush, 2009). We have witnessed first-hand the wonders that having an outlet where children can process grief, is important as it allows them to externalise their feelings and not suppress them.

If your child is experiencing intense anger, or unresolved grief, you might wish for your child to be supported by a professional who can help process grief. One-to-one therapy can show your child better ways to express anger, while also helping them come to terms with their situation.

By Martina Chircop

References

Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and dying. New York: The Macmillan Company.

Schonfeld, D. J. & Quackenbush, M. (2009). After a loved one dies—how children grieve.

And how parents and other adults can support them.

https://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacy-and-policy/aap-health-initiatives/Children -and-Disasters/Documents/After-a-Loved-One-Dies-English.pdf

Sims, D. D. (n.d.). Anger and grief in children.

http://www.hslcnys.org/fosterparenttraining/course_matls/Anger%20and%20Grief%20in%20Children.pdf