Most of the time children are already aware that something is going on. They have probably overheard conversations on the phone or in person with your partner, became aware of frequent visits to the hospital or even noticed you pensive and concerned. While it’s natural for parents to hold back from breaking the news, children might feel more anxious and create their own conclusions which might not always be right. Talking to your children about what’s going on might create a more healthier and supportive environment in the family.

When informing your children about your diagnosis, the way you tell them could affect how they react and cope with the situation.

• Prepare what you want to say.
• Choose a time and a place, when your children are mostly calm and where you won’t be interrupted (ideally not before bed time)
• Whether you tell your children together or separately depends on different factors such as age and emotional intelligence.
• Be honest and natural. It is okay to be emotional.
• Allow your children to ask questions and express their worries.
• Use words that your children can understand.
• Try not to give too much information in one go.
• Provide reassurance throughout the conversation.

A good way of supporting your child after informing them of your diagnosis is by providing them with reassurance.

Children tend to need reassurance that:

• The cause of the illness is not their fault.
• Serious illnesses like cancer are not contagious.
• Most of the time, treatment works.
• Let them know who knows about the situation and who will be taking care of them when you feel unwell.

Explaining what is going on, really depends on the age of the children. Use words that they can understand, such as ‘I’m taking medicine that fights bad cells’’ or “that makes daddy’s sickness go away.” Also you might consider explaining to your children the impact the treatment might have on your health, moods, family’s usual routines and appearances such as hair loss.

You might also wish to mention that you may react to treatment in different ways at different times. Try using words such as ‘‘feeling sleepy’’, ‘‘needing to rest’’, ‘‘feeling nauseous’’, ‘‘wearing a scarf’’, ‘‘feeling weak’’. You might wish to reassure your children that you will keep them updated on how you are doing. Also provide them with space to ask questions and express their worries and feelings.

Giving details about treatment may prepare your child for what is to come. Knowing details about treatment and the side-effects, tends to help them cope better with the situation. Allow them to ask questions about the treatment.

What you say to your son, and how you tell him depends on his age and his stage of development. Here are a few general tips to guide you;

• Consider having a caring professional who might help you explain things to your child.It’s best to talk to your son when he is calm and somewhere where you won’t be interrupted. Ideally not before bed time.
• Allow him to let you know what he thinks is happening. Is he worried that his father might die? What does he think ‘death’ means?
• Talk about the treatment and reassure him that a team of specialized people are taking care of his father 24/7 to relieve him from pain whilst improving his quality of life.

If treatment is not working, children should be informed that their father is not responding to treatment and is expected to live for a certain amount of time. Although this is painful for the adult, preparing and informing your children is important.

• Below are a few tips to help you;
• Be prepared for your child to react in various ways – such as anger.
• Reassure your children that they will still be taken care of.
• Allow your children to express their emotions and to ask as many questions as they like.

When explaining illness to a 5 year-old, you may consider to;

• Show her that you would like her to know about her brother’s illness.
• Find out what your child already knows or noticed.
• Use words that she can understand without going into unnecessary details.
• Allow her to ask questions and to express her emotions.
• Re-assure her that the cause of her sibling’s illness is not her fault.
• Tell her that the family might experience changes in routine, such as going to treatment abroad or hospital visits.
• Re-assure her that although her brother would need a lot of attention, you would still love her and be there for her just the same.

It is advisable to inform your children’s school and other organisations your children are involved in, as they can support you and your children better during this journey.

Being informed is helpful as they can be more aware of any behavioral changes your children might go through. If they feel that it is something that needs to be attended to, then they can refer your children for further support.

Mental illness might be harder to explain to children than physical illnesses as visible symptoms are not always present. For younger children, it is best to try to use simple words such as ‘‘grandma feels sad sometimes’’ and try to explain what is going on through any visible symptoms she might be experiencing such as being tired more often, or not wanting to eat. This will help them understand better what is going on, and why she might need further support.

Dementia can be a difficult subject to talk about, especially when you are trying to explain it to a child. You can explain that dementia is an illness which causes their grandparent to experience loss of memory and an inability to do their daily activities. Reassure them that they can still hug them and spend time with them.